HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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