Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize