What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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