Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
