the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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