This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
