she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
