dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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