Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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