Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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