I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
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We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
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I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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