So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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