Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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