I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
