just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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