She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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