FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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