Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
