Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
