READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
