TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Boobs speak an international language.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
