help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
