I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
