so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
