Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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