I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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