best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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