he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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