i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
