yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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