1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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