Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
