Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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