oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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