So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
