I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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