I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
