Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
