Just fell off a train. Bad.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
