Say something about gay babies.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
