Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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