It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
