you turned your livingroom into a bong?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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