So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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