Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
