My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize