I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
