the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
