Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
