my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Buhtt sex?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
