can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
