I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
