Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
