it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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