Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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