All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
