Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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