Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize