I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
