I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My bed smells like the plague
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
