We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
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I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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