The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
